Wednesday, 26 August 2020

Chapter 26

Where has time gone?

It only feels as though yesterday my fingers were tapping away rambling on about turning over the pages to chapter 25. 

25 years young. 

Now flipping so swiftly to chapter 26.

Swiftly. A way to put it. In all honesty, chapter 25 has been one of the hardest, not to mention the world going to pot since landing in 2020. What a strange time it has been. It has most certainly been a year of growth, mental breakdowns and abnormality. 

Teaching myself that life is short, holding onto friends, family and any sort of happiness because with a click of a finger your world can shatter into a million. 

Dealing with grief has been a rollercoaster of a journey that I remain sitting locked in tightly being flung and twirled around. Life has it's many lessons one of which grief never leaves you, instead you learn to live with it agreeably. A pain in my heart that lingers to remind me everyday why you should cherish every passing second and minute. 

Time doesn't stop for anyone. It'll walk, run and fly but never come to a halt. 

First chapter in 25 years without my dad being present has hit in many directions and forms but knowing that he'd despise the thought of me putting my life on halt. For what? Kills even more so. The complex battle of always having dad in remembrance but remembering is a bittersweet sting to the chest. I miss you dad. However, I can't deny the gratitude I have in my heart for the time I  have been fortunate enough to spend with you. 

Chapter 25 a chapter full of pain and sorrow with happiness trying to slowly creep through. Unfortunately, painting this chapter with dandelions and roses would be unfaithful. 

Never imagining life to swerve in such a manner you have always got to extract the lessons and gratitude that life brings forward. The strength I'm capable to uphold was never how I envisioned, as time goes on life was teaching me strength and character building. To never surrender what I have built for myself; my strength, love, empathy, compassion, character, creativity, intellect, wisdom, loyalty, lessons, experiences and confidence. To never let go of me. The person I have become. Without all of this it crumbles into ashes and with that goes the lessons and wisdom learnt from dad. 

Hold tightly but not too tight because when the reins loosen or disappear you will vanish with it. People are not our belongings but experiences and memories. Love them with all you heart, create memories and encourage them to be their best versions. For when the reins loosen or disappear it'll sting but you'll always have something to cherish and hold with you until your time comes without losing yourself within it all.  

As cliche as this may sound, life is what you make it. You're only responsible for how you direct your own life. If happiness is not knocking on your door then get the f*** out and seek it, find it and harbour it. 

This year travelling back to areas I had neglected due to current affairs and well actual packing up and catching flights wasn't on the agenda. Being able to paint and draw once again uplifted my own spirits, a nostalgic feeling bringing back those high school memories where nothing in the world mattered but to be care free and happy. I missed it. A talent I picked up from my father and all those memories of him helping me with my art homework just came rushing back. I really did miss it, the feeling of my dad residing within us. 

Putting aside time for art, creativity in another form which I always said there was no time for was ludicrous. We have the time, why not make the time? Making me feel elated, why was I neglecting that?

Life is not about making money, having the best car or the best house and so on so on. Life is simple. It's to be happy, to be heathy, to take risks, to be grateful, to fill it with unforgettable memories which live on amongst people, to experience people and places, to attain your dreams, to love and to LIVE. 

Life is short, nowadays people don't live. They work to live. We make it complicated and difficult. It all starts with you, change starts with you and as you travel along this journey and come into contact with all sorts of people, places and adventures you leave an imprint. The question is what sort of imprint do you want to leave in this world?

© ModestMira

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